Tag Archives: Pants on Fire

The Haiku Handicapper: 2011 Kentucky Derby

First and foremost, if you would like a more detailed analysis of the Kentucky Derby field, I wrote 5,000 words on the race over on ThoroFan.com for its “Handicapper’s Corner”. If you can find a more detailed breakdown of the Kentucky Derby field, you read it.

Please note, the ThoroFan analysis was written prior to Friday’s scratch of Uncle Mo, who factored into my exotic tickets, thus my picks are a little outdated. For the sake of discussion, let’s replace him with another horse who might have an advantage in the second wave of front-runners, Pants on Fire.

If you prefer a short, punchy breakdown of the field in a 5-7-5-syllabled parameter, you have come to the right place. Best of luck on all of your wagers today.

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#1 – Archarcharch
Arkansas leader
Snuck up on folks at Oaklawn
Must overcome post

#2 – Brilliant Speed
Turf, synth specialist
Dirt efforts not so brilliant
Nice horse, not his spot

#3 – Twice The Appeal
Has the Borel bump
Super ticket needs longshots
He fits the profile

#4 – Stay Thirsty
Mo’s tag-team partner
Has shown tendencies to wilt
When placed in big spots

#5 – Decisive Moment
Got in the gate with
Minor checks in rich races
Decide against him

#6 – Comma To The Top
Derby Fever strikes
Wobbles coming down the stretch
Not the spot for him

#7 – Pants On Fire
Rosie’s rose runner
Earns his keep out on the lead
That’s a tall task here

#8 – Dialed In
Mud-in-face closer
Lone big horse to deliver
In his last big prep

#9 – Derby Kitten
Late to the party
Distance, surface, class concerns
They’re asking a lot

#10 – Twinspired
Another synth horse
Improving, but still outmatched
Not inspiring

#11 – Master Of Hounds
Foreign invader
Prior form offers few hints
On how he’ll perform

#12 – Santiva
Light soph schedule
History does not bode well
For last-prep clunkers

#13 – Mucho Macho Man
Well-traveled and tough
Qualities you like to see
In a Derby horse

#14 – Shackleford
None saw him coming
In Florida Derby scrape
Won’t go unchallenged

#15 – Midnight Interlude
Raw, rising talent
First start out of comfort zone
Hard place to have it

#16 – Animal Kingdom
Won the Spiral Stakes
Even connections seem tense
About his dirt form

#17 – Soldat
Went from chalk to dust
After dull Gulfstream effort
Needs to prove his grit

#19 – Nehro
Standing room only
On deep closer’s bandwagon
Can he find the line?

#20 – Watch Me Go
Tampa Bay shocker
Barely sparked in Illinois
Hard to expect much

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Glory’s on the line
Can you hear Dialed In now?
One, seven and three

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The Kentucky Derby costume party

The Kentucky Derby may be known as “the most exciting two minutes in sports”, but it also owns the reputation as one of its biggest party days.

Fans from the infield to Millionaire’s Row take the opportunity to wear outlandish get-ups at the Derby that would draw confused looks in just about any other setting – loud-colored suits for the guys, and elaborate hats of all shapes and sizes for the gals. Along with the mint juleps and the slurred renditions of “My Old Kentucky Home” that they inevitably cause, the Kentucky Derby wardrobe is almost as much a part of the tradition as the race itself.

But what if the outfits had a little meaning behind them?

If done right, the Kentucky Derby holds the potential for a killer costume party. Instead of dull buttons or boring t-shirts, fans could show who they are backing in the big race by wearing a related disguise. It’s an automatic conversation starter, and just imagine the fun NBC’s announcers would have scanning the crowd during lulls in the action for creative outfits.

The ideas for some horses practically write themselves from their name or circumstances. Others require deeper thought to find the right look. To help save time, I have done the legwork and come up with costume ideas for fans of the current top 20 horses on the graded earnings list, according to KentuckyDerby.com. The top 20 will assuredly change between now and the first Saturday in May, so I have also included a few ideas for some horses on the earnings bubble. Better safe than sorry.

Behind the jump are a few ideas for the key players on the Kentucky Derby trail, listed in order of graded earnings. If anyone has ideas of their own, feel free to suggest them in the comments.

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